What's the fastest way to drown a blonde?
Tell her that the tiles on the bottom of the pool are scratch and sniff.
What do you call a blonde doing a handstand?
A brunette with bad breath.
What do you call a blonde on a waterbed?
An off shore drilling platform.
Bubba and Junior were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.
"We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Bubba, "but we don't have a ladder."

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement and announced:
"Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away.

Junior shook his head and laughed. "Ain't that just like a dumb blonde! We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"
What's black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?

A blonde electrician.
A blonde at the grocery store:
- I would like 4 tomatoes, 4 potatoes and 4 onions
- I can help you with the tomatoes and the potatoes, but not with the
- Ok... than I'll have 2 tomatoes, 2 potatoes and 2 onions
- I see you don't understand me: I have tomatoes, I have potatoes, but I
have no onions
- I see... than I'll have a tomato, a potato and an onion
- Ok, let's do this the other way around. If you take the "mato" out of the
"tomato", what do you have?
- Aaaa... "to"?
- Right, and if you take the "tato" out of the "potato", what do you have?
- Aaaa... "po"?
- Excellent, and if you take the "fuck" out of the "onion", what do you
- Aaaa... aaa... but there is no "fuck" in "onion"
- Exactly, there is no fuckin' onion!
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, a woman, who happened to be blonde, and new to boating was having a problem. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't get her brand new 22-ft Bayliner to perform. It wouldn't get on a plane at all, and it was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power she applied.
After about an hour of trying to make it go, she putted over to a nearby marina. Maybe they could tell her what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything was in perfect working order. The engine was fine, the out drive went up and down, the prop was the correct size and pitch.
So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer.
Q: Why can't blondes make ice cubes?
A: They always forget the recipe.
Why did the blonde climb over a glass wall?

To see what was on the other side.
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"
A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title, and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns and repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41

The loan officer says: "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely; but we are a little puzzled. We checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is - why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

She replies: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
Q: On the top of the Empire state building stand Superman, a smart blonde lady, and a priest. If they all fell off, who would hit the ground first?
A: The priest. Why? because there is no such thing as Superman or a smart blonde lady.
Q: What is dumber than a brunette building a fire under the water?
A: A blonde trying to put it out.
A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new blonde girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket.

Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.

She showed him the instructions on the tin,

"For best results, put on two coats".
Q. How do you keep a blonde at home?

A. Build a circular driveway.
A redhead, a brunette and a blonde are all stranded on a dessert island. There is a island in the middle of the sea, and if they reach it, they can go home. So the red head swims out there, she gets halfway and drowns. The brunette goes next, she makes it three quarters of the way, and drowns. The blonde goes next and she swims halfway, gets tired, so swims back to the deserted island.
Two blondes were going to Disneyland when they came to a fork in the road. The sign read: "Disneyland Left."

So they went home.
A blond wanted to go ice fishing, so she stopped at the nearest pond of ice. She started cutting holes in the ice, and heard, ''There are no fish under the ice.'' She got creeped out and started cutting another hole. Then she heard, ''There are no fish under the ice.'' Then she asked, ''Lord is that you.'' Then she heard, ''No, this is the ice rink manager.
Q. What did Santa say to the three blonds on the corner?

A. Ho Ho Ho
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