Don't tell me if you want me to take you out to dinner. Just smile for yes, or do a backflip, somersault, counter-spin gymnastics combination for no.
Can I follow you where you're going right now? Cause my parents always told me to follow my dreams!
Do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk past you again?
Is your name Google? Because you have everything I’ve been searching for.
I’m no mathematician, but I’ve been told I’m good with numbers. How about you give me yours so I can prove it?
I think there’s something wrong with my phone. Your number’s not in it.
Are you a parking ticket? Because you’ve got FINE written all over you.
What did you say your name was? I want to make sure I’m screaming the right name tonight.
Hey, my name’s Microsoft. Can I crash at your place tonight?
It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
What do you do with a years worth of used condoms?
Melt them, turn them into tire and call it a goodyear.
A SQL query walks into a bar and sees two tables. He walks up to them and says:
"Can I join you?"
What's the fastest way to drown a blonde?
Tell her that the tiles on the bottom of the pool are scratch and sniff.
What do you call a blonde doing a handstand?
A brunette with bad breath.
What do you call a blonde on a waterbed?
An off shore drilling platform.
What is the longest word in the English language?
Smiles because there is a mile between it's first and last letter!
(It was the 70's...)
Mum: "I've decided to become a fully liberated woman and go bra-less. How do I look?"
Dad: "Beautiful! All the wrinkles have gone out of your face."
Dad: Please make me a sandwich.
Mom: POOF! you're a sandwich!
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think:
'I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked'
