An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
0
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says:
"A beer please! and one for the road."
0
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
0
Two peanuts walk into a bar and one was a salted.
1
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
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A polish man gets married to an american lady (even though his english is not so good). After 2 years he goes to a solicitor for a divorce.
Lawyer: What grounds you got?
Polish dude: 2 acres with a house.
Lawyer: No, I mean what is the foundations of the case?
Polish dude: Cement.
Lawyer: (sights) Why do you wanna divorce??
Polish dude: Cause she is gonna kill me.
Lawyer: What makes you say that??
Polish dude: I've got proof.
Lawyer: What proof?
Polish dude: She's gonna poison me.
Lawyer: But how do you know?
Polish dude: She bought it from a drug store and she kept the bottle on a shelf in the bathroom.
Lawyer: What does it say on the bottle?
Polish dude: "POLISH REMOVER"
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Goldie was sitting on a beach in Florida, attempting to strike up a conversation with the attractive gentleman reading on the blanket beside hers.
"Hello, sir," she said, "Do you like movies?"
"Yes, I do," he responded, then returned to his book.
Goldie persisted. "Do you like gardening?"
The man again looked up from his book. "Yes, I do," he said politely before returning to his reading.
Undaunted, Goldie asked. "Do you like pussycats?" With that, the man dropped his book and pounced on Goldie, ravaging her as she'd never been ravaged before.
As the cloud of sand began to settle, Goldie dragged herself to a sitting position and panted, "How did you know that was what I wanted?"
The man thought for a moment and replied:
"How did you know my name was Katz?"
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A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing. The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him:
"Excuse me mister, but what are you doing?"

The farmer replies:
"I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize."

"How?" asks the man, puzzled.

"Well I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are out standing in their field."
0
What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?
Use a cowculator !
0
Why did the tiger look in the toilet?
He was looking for pooh
1
A: Hey, man! Please call me a taxi.
B: Yes, sir. You are a taxi.
0
Q: What happened to the man who lost his whole left side of his body?
A: He is all right now.
0
A man walks into a bar with a giraffe and they proceed to get blitzed. The giraffe drinks so much it passes out on the floor. The man gets up and heads for the door to leave when the bartender yells:
- Hey! You can't leave that lyin' there!
The drunk replies:
- That's not a lion! It's a giraffe.
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Doctor:
- Sir, I'm afraid your DNA is backwards.
Patient:
- AND?
0
What did the ghost say to the bee?
BOO-BEE
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?
She ran away from the ball.
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Q. What did the penis say to the condom?
A. Cover me im going in!
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What do you call a pig that does karate?
A pork chop.
0
It is well known:
A man stands up to get knocked down, a woman lays down to get knocked up.
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A lady says to the psychiatrist:
- I think I might be a nymphomaniac.
He says:
- I'll see what I can do to help you. My fee is eighty dollars an hour.
She says:
- How much for all night?
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