Customer: Do you have any two-watt, 4-volt bulbs?
Sales Rep: For what?
Customer: No, two.
Sales Rep: Two what?
Customer: Yes.
Sales Rep: No.
I set a personal record on Christmas. I got my shopping done three weeks ahead of time. I had all the presents back at my apartment, I was halfway through wrapping them, and I realized:
'Damn, I used the wrong wrapping paper.'
The paper I used said: 'Happy Birthday.' I didn't want to waste it, so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.
In a fishing shop the following conversation took place.

Customer: Do you have any cockroaches?

Salesman: Yes we do.

Customer: I would like 100,000 of them.

Salesman: Why would you want with 100,000 cockroaches?

Customer: I'm moving tomorrow and my lease says I must leave my apartment in the condition in which I found it.
A old blind man and his eye seeing dog walked into a store. When he gets in, he starts swinging his dog around. Upset by this, the manager of the store demanded to know what he was doing. The blind man calmly replied:
"I'm just looking around."
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
A new supermarket opened near my house. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay.
In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions.
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.
The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread & cookies.
I don't buy toilet paper there any more.
Grocery shopping has become a real life version of PAC-Man. Avoid everyone, get the fruit and take any route to avoid contact.
A lady enters a lingerie store.
"Hello, could I try on that bra, the red one, in the window?"
"Of course you can, but wouldn't it be better if you tried it on in the dressing room?"
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