Four men got together at a reunion. Three of them had sons and they started bragging about them, while the fourth guy went to the can to take a shit. The first man said his son was doing so well, he now owned a factory, manufacturing furniture. Just the other day he gave his best friend a whole house full of brand new furniture.

The second man said his son was doing just as well. He was a manager at a car sales firm. Just the other day he gave his best friend a Ferrari.

The third man said his was doing well too. He was a manager at a bank. Just the other day he gave his best friend the money to buy a house.

The fourth man came back, and the other three told him they were just talking about how successful their sons are. He just shook his head and said his son was gay and hadn't amounted to much. But he must be doing something right, because just the other day he was given a house, furniture and a Ferrari by his friends!
Don't tell me if you want me to take you out to dinner. Just smile for yes, or do a backflip, somersault, counter-spin gymnastics combination for no.
Can I follow you where you're going right now? Cause my parents always told me to follow my dreams!
Do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk past you again?
Is your name Google? Because you have everything I’ve been searching for.
I’m no mathematician, but I’ve been told I’m good with numbers. How about you give me yours so I can prove it?
I think there’s something wrong with my phone. Your number’s not in it.
Are you a parking ticket? Because you’ve got FINE written all over you.
What did you say your name was? I want to make sure I’m screaming the right name tonight.
Hey, my name’s Microsoft. Can I crash at your place tonight?
It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
What do you do with a years worth of used condoms?
Melt them, turn them into tire and call it a goodyear.
A SQL query walks into a bar and sees two tables. He walks up to them and says:
"Can I join you?"
What's the fastest way to drown a blonde?
Tell her that the tiles on the bottom of the pool are scratch and sniff.
What do you call a blonde doing a handstand?
A brunette with bad breath.
What do you call a blonde on a waterbed?
An off shore drilling platform.
Customer: Do you have any two-watt, 4-volt bulbs?
Sales Rep: For what?
Customer: No, two.
Sales Rep: Two what?
Customer: Yes.
Sales Rep: No.
do {
} while (sober);
What is the longest word in the English language?
Smiles because there is a mile between it's first and last letter!
How does the kid tell you that their grandparents called?
60s kids: Grandma called.
70s kids: Gramps called.
80s kids: Granny called.
90s kids: Grandmother called.
Kids now: Boomerang.
This is a demo error message.
Got it
We use cookies to improve your experience on our site and to show you personalised advertising. Read our privacy policy.